Thanksgiving

I love my family. As much as I complained about them growing up, I really am very blessed.

A few weeks ago we celebrated the life of Jeanne Comtois, my mother's mother. She passed after a long life of faithful service to God and family. At her funeral I was reminded how special the Comtois family is. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin-in-laws and cousin's children to be thankful for.

This week, my mother visited us with my father's parents. It was the most time I've spent with my grandparents since I was little, probably the longest period of time I have ever spent with Grandpa because he was always busy on the farm when I was growing up! It was so wonderful to have my family at our home for Thanksgiving. I truly have a lot to be thankful for. My dad wasn't there... but it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if we wasn't hunting! I'm sure he'll be down to visit some other time.

The Pit

At chapel today we had a great African American, Baptist, preacher. His topic was the pit - being in the pit of mirey clay... and our need for God in those times.

I am afraid I may be about to re-enter a familiar pit.

My joints have started to swell again. I keep trying to make excuses about the weather, stress of midterms and anything else I can think of... but there just excuses.

The truth is, I am in pain again. The truth is, the Lyme disease is not gone. The truth is I need to swallow my pride and call my doctor again. I need to stop pushing myself so hard. I need to slow down and start back on medication. I may need to take less classes next semester. I may not be able to take any classes next semester. I'm scared.

But - I am not alone. God is with me. God has a plan. I need to put my plans aside and listen to the one the Lord has for me.

I'm scared. I'm falling into a pit. Lord help me!

I can't do it...

Apparently my Lyme disease had corrupted my brain power more than I realized. I am really struggling in seminary. I have always been a good student. I've been able to tell when I do well on an assignment and when I don't. Not anymore. I thought I did OK on a paper... I got a C. I thought I aced a test (a little map quiz that I had studied for for 3 weeks) and I got an A, but I didn't do as well as a certain someone I'm married to who crammed the night before.

If I can't do well after 3 weeks of studying, how am I supposed to survive mid-terms and finals!!??!!!


I hate this!

I feel so stupid!

I am such a failure, once again.

Wesley

I have officially been a seminary student for one full week now. How's it going? I'm not sure. So far I am surviving. As much as I worry about being able to balance 15 credits, a 2-4 hour total commute 4 days a week and of course being a mommy I know that it will all be OK. God is so present here. I am finding different ways to manage my time. It's difficult to balance family time with homework, but it's one of those cases where the more you need to do the more you appreciate all that you do.

I am called into a stronger relationship not only with the One, but with my family and my fellow students. I am not only learning the nuts and bolts of the Bible, church history and other subjects, I am learning more about who God is for me... and how I rely (or don't rely) on Christ.

I am stressed to be sure... but I am also greatly blessed.

New to the area

Well, our move to Maryland is complete. We've spent the past several weekends playing the role of tourists. In the past three weeks I've been all over Calvert County. I've also been to Annapolis, Baltimore and D.C. to do some touristy stuff. That will all end soon though, classes start in a few days.

We're all excited about our new adventure, but also nervous. Starting a new school in a new place is scary no matter how old you are!

New life

So, I've been living in Maryland for almost 2 weeks now. Heath preaches his first sermon tomorrow. He's on his way to settling in with his new role as student pastor. I think he really likes it.

Jeff loves the new house and is looking forward to starting a new school.

I'm feeling out of place and rather alone. I'm disconnected from everyone. I'm still unfamiliar with the area and especially with the people. It's hard to move from a place where you know hundreds of people and have family close by to a place where you know absolutely no one and the only family "close by" is a cousin you haven't really been close to since you were a kid.

I'm hoping that when school starts I'll find some friends. I really don't feel like I'm going to fit in at Trinity... they are much more conservative (on average) than I am. It's also the whitest congregation I've seen in a long time. Don't get me wrong... Vermont wasn't exactly ultra-diverse... but at least we had more than 1 black person out of 1000! The church is traditional and the music is old. I really don't think I'll fit in here. And, as a pastor's wife, I'm expected to. It's assumed that I'll be in church every Sunday and be involved in some activities there.

I went to a ladies Bible study the other day. I was more than 10 years younger than the "baby" in the group... they're nice women, but they are all at a very different stage of life than I am.

I'm hoping that I find someone to connect with. I'm never good at making friends anyway, and when it seems everyone knows your business and watches everything you do it makes you even more cautious to show who you really are.

On the plus side, the parsonage is awesome, the area is beautiful and I can't complain about the weather (especially with the blessing of air conditioning).

I just hope (and pray) that I'll feel more at home sooner rather than later. 4 years is a long time to feel completely out of place.

I don't know what to do!

I am so confused!

Just when things were falling into place to go to Methodist Theological School in Ohio next year... it got messy.

We heard back from Wesley theological in D.C.. Now we have to start the decision process all over, with more information than we had in January when we decided toward MTSO.

Here's the dilemma:

Wesley vs. MTSO

• Program is more like what I want at Wesley
• Housing is better at MTSO
• Winter is warmer and shorter at Wesley, Summer is better at MTSO
• Better elementary school in D.C. - but almost too good - lots more very wealthy kids - will mine fit in?
• D.C. is closer to my family
• Ohio is more like Vermont culturally

I just learned that Heath can be a student pastor at either location... so who knows what we'll end up doing.

Sickness and Death

My pastor tells me I have a death wish. It seems to stem from when I was 5 and my older brother died. I wished I was dead too, so we could stay together. I've been battling this self-curse and pulling myself out of it with the help of the Holy Spirit. At the same time however, I am surrounded by much sickness and death. Without the blood of Jesus, all would be lost.

My grandfather is going blind and is now having trouble breathing. My Grandmother is beside herself with worry and when he goes she won't be far behind, she can't live without him. Meanwhile, my other grandmother is on oxygen and keeps having minor heart problems and mini-strokes.

I just recently learned that a friend has stage IV lung cancer. He has been in and out of the ER and various doctors offices for years and he just got shoved around because he was uninsured. They told him there was nothing wrong with him and that it was all in his head. Now, he has only a few months to live.

And let's not talk about tornados, tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes and wars.

Some say the world as we know it will end in 2012. Is that when armageddon will happen? I don't know.

What I do know is that because Christ died for my sins and because the Lord gave me the gift of his Son and the Holy Spirit dwells within me that I will not perish. I will live forever in Glory. Life is good.

Fundraising

I found a new way to raise money for the church and the teen center. Goodsearch.com. They donate pennies every time you search on their site, but you have to designate who you want the money to go to.

How little doctors actually know

I spent Friday night in the ER. I had blood work, and EKG, a chest X-ray, an ultrasound of my abdomen and a CT scan. Did the docs figure out why I have pain in my left abdomen? NO. Apparently it's "nothing life threatening" because they can't figure out what is causing the problem.

I thought it might be my spleen, since my WBC has been down and the spleen can enlarge with Lyme and Babesia... but that was apparently ok.

They decided I have a virus. Isn't that just the answer they give when they don't know what else to say?

I had sharp shooting pain on Friday. I even felt it through the morphine they gave me. It's not Tuesday. It's the first day I've had enough energy to sit up for more than 5 minutes. I still have pain in my left side, it now goes from my shoulder to my pelvis... only on the left side. The good news is I don't need to take the vicoden they sent me home with, I just try to ignore it (since it's probably all in my head anyway).

My doc was supposed to call me to check on me... hasn't happened yet. Am I surprised? No. Such is the "greatest health care in the world".

Oh well, at least I had a forced vacation for a few days. I was so out of it I don't even remember the weekend.