God's timing

For the past year and a half I have been unemployed, in a lot of pain with tons of fatigue and felt generally miserable. The only time I have felt good (at least on the inside) in my prayer time and when I am serving God in one way or another.

As I start to feel better I have begun to do more at church, especially with the youth and outreach ministries.

For nearly 2 years I have felt God calling me into service as some sort of missionary, but I was unclear how to go about doing it.

Heath has been very worried about our finances because we're draining our savings account living on only his salary.

My health has not improved enough for me to commit to any job, since my health is still very unpredictable. However, I have still been able to do a variety of ministries at church (when I am well).

In the past few weeks everything has really been falling into place. Not only has God made a move on the local missionary front (I'm traveling, all expenses paid, to Houston and Nashville in October for conferences focusing on local missions work) but also on the money front. My disability case has been approved, a year ahead of schedule! The social security representative who has helped me with the paperwork was shocked that it happened so fast, she didn't understand why. I do though, it's all part of God's plan. I trusted that he would provide, and that if I really was being called to missional service he would show me how when I was ready... and he has done all that and more!

Praise the Lord!!

Why do I bother???

I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate my body and all it's limitations. I hate this damn disease. I hate everyone who thinks they understand how I feel. I hate everyone who thinks I just need to "get over it". And I hate people telling me to just be at peace, and that as long as I have God in my heart I'll be ok.

Well, God's not here. I am alone and I want to die.

What a busy summer!

I've been so busy this summer I keep forgetting to Blog. Between volunteering a few hours at church a few days a week, entertaining Jeffrey and watching my health there is little time for anything else.

We just bought a bed for Jeff. We're switching the playroom and his bedroom all around. He'll now be sleeping in the pink room (which he is very excited about). I moved a lot of stuff yesterday. My muscles are so sore today! But it's a good sore, I actually accomplished something.

Still no progress on my disability case. We still have over a year to wait before I get a hearing. I would like to say I'll be better by then, but I don't think so. Progress is very slow, though there is progress and that's good.

today's poem...

Brain dead

medicine head

so tired

so wired

can't sleep

want to eat

aching

pounding

vibrating

sweating

chilled

unwilled

not thrilled

I am so proud

Our youth group raised over $500 for World Vision. Though they are small in numbers they are mighty in service. Praise God for over 1000 days of food for starving children!

Survivor reality?

Tonight on Survivor Nick's parting words were about his generation needing to "maximize their personal freedom" and that would "change the world".

How true - the world is already changing because so many people in his generation and those younger and 10 to 30 years older are doing just that. They are so interested in their "personal freedom" that they have lost a sense of community. They have lost connections to the past, and they have even lost any sense of moral direction.

What you need Nick is Jesus. You need to fall down on your knees and ask God for forgiveness for your "personal freedom" choices that have lead you far from your Father!

You need to maximize Jesus not personal freedom.

Silence

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Do you ever have one of those days where no matter where you go it's loud, busy and overwhelming?

If not, I've got as 4 year old boy who can come stay with you for a few days! And a hyper husband and teenager...

But seriously, isn't it nice to once in a while just sit in silence? Earlier this week I had a chance to be outside in the sunshine and just enjoy peace and quiet. It was wonderful. Then the snow came back. Then other people got home. Then my world got noisy and busy again.

sigh

Boredom

Ho hum...

I am getting better. My strength and stamina are slowly returning. I am healthy enough now that I am bored out of my mind sitting at home most days...

Unfortunately I'm not well enough to go out and get a job. Sure, I could do some sort of minimalistic 5 hour a week job with few responsibilities that is only 10 minutes from my house, but since such a job is non-existant I'm stuck here twiddling my thumbs trying to find something to do to fill my time.

Help me!!!

Thank you God for zoloft

So I've been really sick for a year now. It's difficult to track progress, especially with all the symptoms that go along with the Lyme disease. One of the ones I've had trouble with that is treatable is depression. I recently increased the amount of zoloft I am taking... wow what a difference. I guess the commercials aren't lying when they say depression hurts!

I am definately getting better. My bad weeks are still not great... but my "good" weeks are getting much better. Yesterday I took a 10 minute walk and felt good. I wasn't even sore after! Today I took a big step. I actually DROVE. I drove into Montpelier (3 miles) with no problems. Then, I parked and walked around city center for about 10 minutes and drove home. And get this, instead of being totally exhausted and regretting it, I'm exhilirated and ready to keep doing stuff like this every day!

Hooray! I'm getting better!!!!

Just had to share my joy!

Ok, I had really short hair for 10 years. Now, because of my Lyme disease I don't have the strength, energy or coordination to cut it anymore (I'm cheap... I do it myself). I'm growing it out, I just don't know where to stop.

My hair is much curlier now than it has ever been (I blame the Lyme and the meds for thinning my hair enough so it could curl)!

This picture was taken several months ago. My hair is now down to my shoulders. How far should I let it grow?
Hello world

Why do I bother?

So I've been unable to log into my e-mail account for 11 days. I have contacted the e-mail provider, checked all the help boards and been given the same dumb advice from everyone... and none of it has worked.

Why do I bother even asking for help? No one listens anyway. And it's not like they care about the people using their e-mail enough to fix a problem... and I know I'm not the only one experiencing difficulties.

Whatever happened to customer service? Not just with technology companies. But with any company. Major corporations have outsources their help and information lines to third world countries where you'll be lucky if you can understand the person on the other side of the phone, let alone they actually understand your problem!

Then there are the local businesses. Even there it is difficult to find good customer service. People are working to punch their time card and take home their pay. They could care less about the customer. And who can blame them? Those that actually do show some courtesy are often rudely ignored or treated like garbage just because they are in some sort of "servant" role.

The world would be a much nicer place if people would all just remember to use their manners once in a while!


Update: I just got this e-mail from the powers that be: Thanks for bringing this issue to our attention. We have forwarded theinformation you provided to the appropriate team for furtherinvestigation. We appreciate your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Well, at least I'm getting a friendly response now... even though my e-mail still isn't working!

An update: 2+ weeks after the problem started it is somehow fixed. Thanks e-mail people Now... if I only knew what the real problem was...

My first blog

Well, I've joined the 21st century and created a blog for myself. I haven't decided yet what I will write about in here... but I'm sure something will come to mind at some point.

I had something on my mind this morning that I wanted to rant about... but now I forgot what it was. Must be it wasn't that big a deal after all!