Nightmares

I had a nightmare last night.  You would think since I have been bingeing on Supernatural lately that it would have been about demons or ghosts or something.  But no, it was so much worse than that... it was about the church.

I dreamed that I was invited to be part of a planning team for an upcoming youth event.  In the dream, I was living two hours away from the planning meeting, and the whole thing was in my former denomination, and in my former state.  I'm not sure that's relevant or not, but the mind does odd things when we let it have its way.

Anyway... the details are getting fuzzy already, but here is what I remember:

• I had to pass through some sort of security to get to this meeting.
• When I got there, there were several leaders of the church (none of whom I recognize in real life, but in my dream I knew them and recognized that they were VIP's)
• We met over a fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant
• We played an icebreaker game or something... all I remember is that it involved people gorging on bags and bags of candy.  And, they all looked at me disdainfully when I refused to gorge as well (sorry folks, I've got food allergies and sugar triggers my inflamation).
• When we actually discussed the content of the event, one of the VIP's suggested one very weak idea.  I don't remember the details of what he suggested, just that it was "lukewarm" so to speak, and that the rest of the planning committee ate it up.  They loved it.  It was a song or chant, but it really had no real content or meaning, and they all thought it was a wonderful idea.  They thought it was exactly what the youth needed.  When I tried to interject and suggest a deeper level, when I tried to suggest more gospel or a social justice element I was scorned and mocked.  They liked the lukewarm chant about nothing and wanted to keep it.  Then the meeting was adjourned.
• At that point I felt like my life was in danger.  I snuck away, down a hallway I knew I was not allowed to be admitted into.  The hallway led to the bulk of the building, the main headquarters for the denomination.  It was filled with offices or something, I couldn't really tell because every door was closed and there were no windows.  It almost reminded me of a prison hallway, except with less windows and less color... but the doors were heavy steel and all closed.
• When I heard someone coming I ran up the stairs and into the one open room I could find.  It was like a choir room, with chairs around and a piano.  Plenty of hiding spots.  So I hid.  There were other people in the room, but they didn't notice me.  But, unfortunately, the security guards had followed me, and they did spot me.
• I got up and ran.  And then something I was not expecting happened.  Someone else got up from hiding and ran too.  She was wearing something similar to a scouting uniform, and I could tell instantly that she was GLBTQ.  When she made eye contact with me I instantly knew that she also felt chased, repressed, and threatened by the church.
• We made it out of the room, together.  
• Then we started searching for an exit.

Then I woke up.

• The first thing I thought of once I was awake was that it had been a long time since I had blogged.
• I went downstairs and prepared to read my bible for 20-40 minutes, as is my habit as soon as I get up in the morning.
• I sat down, and thought of my blog again.
• I opened my bible and thought of my blog again, in a very strong, urging sense.  I realized that God wanted me to write about my dream.  I don't know why.  I don't know if it's just for me, or of my dream will mean something to someone else.  I don't know if you, dear reader, will be touched by my dream or not... but I offer a few bits of my own interpretation.  Feel free to add yours in the comments section.

I don't think the denomination of the dream was important.  Who knows, maybe it was, maybe I was blending memories from when I was a volunteer counselor for the Vermont Catholic Youth Conference, an annual summer retreat for high school students.  However, the discussion and the content of the meeting could have been any number of denominations, including my current denomination (The United Methodist Church).  I think that was part of what bothered me, it wasn't even overtly Christian, let alone specific to any particular denomination's unique theology or doctrine.

To me, the security obviously symbolizes the closed-offness of many of our churches.  It represents our need to protect our own, our concern with self-preservation rather than sharing the Good News, reaching out to the hurting world.

I think the fancy restaurant and the bags and bags of candy represented waste.  We, the church, focus so much on keeping up appearances and filling "tummies" (or minds) with junk, that we forget to worry about filling hearts and minds with Truth.  We forget that our job as the church is to be the hands and feet, the eyes and ears, even the belly and bowels of Jesus.  Our job is not to sing happy-clappy songs and make sure people have fun.

Being a Christian is about so much more than that.  I'm not saying you can't have fun.  There are times of great joy when serving our Lord.  But there are also times of great trial, and of tribulation, and even of pain.  When we teach our youth, or when we teach new believers, and especially when we speak with believers who have been around a while, we need to TALK ABOUT THAT!  We need to lift one another up, to strengthen ourselves, to prepare to engage the world (particularly the parts of the world where Christ and his grace are unknown or misunderstood).  We have to stop shying away from the tough stuff.

When we do find others, in hiding, in secret places... we need to stick together.  Even if we are hiding for different reasons or turned off by the institutional church for different reasons, we need to support one another and lift one another up.  We need to pray together and speak out together.

I think that it is significant that I did not make it out of the building in my dream.  I don't think that was what I was supposed to do.  I think I was supposed to stop running, to stand up and speak Truth.  To hold the hand of my new friend and speak her truth with her.

We are killing the church.

We are watering it down and drowning out the message of salvation with a few catchy tunes and quirky phrases.

God wants more from us.

We need more from us.

And the "church" I'm referring to here: I'm not talking about a particular building or even a particular denomination.  Remember, the church is the people.  We're all in this together, brothers and sisters in Christ.  Yes, we are a dysfunctional family, but maybe that's because when we get together we follow the same rule most dysfunctional families follow: avoid talking about religion or politics.

Wake up folks.  We need change!

P.S.  As I was editing and about to post this, my internet died.  Obviously this message is so important that someone does not want it to get out there.  I pray that you, dear reader, got something out of this and that you will share it with others.  So how did I post this?  I went over to my nearly empty church building and used the internet there.