A friend of mine who has a great deal of experience advocating for children with special needs (including both of her own children) often warns parents to be careful when they approach the school for IEP meetings or other communication. She reminds parents to keep a level head and focus on the needs and goals for the student instead of pointing fingers. She cautions that this is particularly challenging when you feel like your son or daughter has been somehow wronged by the system (or a particular person in the school), but that is when it is most important.
So today, when I checked on my sons grades and saw a zero recorded for a book report, due last week, I had to remind myself to approach this conversation calmly. First, I asked my son for more information. He was extremely reluctant to give me any. He pleaded with me to not make a big deal about it or drag out the IEP, because that makes it look like he's "mental", and he's not, he just didn't do it... it's all his fault. I told him that I understand and am glad that he wants to take responsibility for his incomplete assignments, but that I still need to double check a few things... not because he's "mental", but because sometimes his brain works a little differently and because of that sometimes he needs help organizing things (like lots of ideas into organized reports that others will understand). Eventually he handed me the assignment rubric.
It had been assigned over a month ago.
He had written less than two sentences.
I had to bite my tongue and take a few very deep breaths. I then asked some follow up questions like, "did your teacher ever ask to see your draft or maybe your graphic organizer?" After his responses of "No... well, she looked at the organizer in very the beginning and said I needed more" (Did she check it again later?) "No". (Did she check anything else?) "No". Ok, thank you.
Mama Bear came out. Mama Bear was MAD. Mama Bear wanted to protect her "cub" from teacher. Teacher BAD, Teacher no follow IEP. (Bear not good at English)
Mama Bear breathe.
Mama Bear find IEP and re-read.
Mama Bear breathe again and say some prayers.
Mama start drafting well thought out, evidence based, e-mail to not only the teacher but also the IEP coordinator at the school. Mama ask Papa to read it. Mama re-read it. Mama send it.
Mama talk to not-so-little boy about why it is her job to protect him and make sure he is getting help when he needs it, and how it is his teacher's job to provide help. Mom also explain to big boy that the more help he gets with certain skills now, the less accommodations will be needed in his IEP in the future, because ultimately success and independence are the goals. Big boy concede that it is ok for Mom to help.
Mom take a breath... mom say another prayer.
Melt-down averted. Evidence of growth (for both me son). Praise and thanksgiving. We will survive middle school!
So today, when I checked on my sons grades and saw a zero recorded for a book report, due last week, I had to remind myself to approach this conversation calmly. First, I asked my son for more information. He was extremely reluctant to give me any. He pleaded with me to not make a big deal about it or drag out the IEP, because that makes it look like he's "mental", and he's not, he just didn't do it... it's all his fault. I told him that I understand and am glad that he wants to take responsibility for his incomplete assignments, but that I still need to double check a few things... not because he's "mental", but because sometimes his brain works a little differently and because of that sometimes he needs help organizing things (like lots of ideas into organized reports that others will understand). Eventually he handed me the assignment rubric.
It had been assigned over a month ago.
He had written less than two sentences.
I had to bite my tongue and take a few very deep breaths. I then asked some follow up questions like, "did your teacher ever ask to see your draft or maybe your graphic organizer?" After his responses of "No... well, she looked at the organizer in very the beginning and said I needed more" (Did she check it again later?) "No". (Did she check anything else?) "No". Ok, thank you.
Mama Bear came out. Mama Bear was MAD. Mama Bear wanted to protect her "cub" from teacher. Teacher BAD, Teacher no follow IEP. (Bear not good at English)
Mama Bear breathe.
Mama Bear find IEP and re-read.
Mama Bear breathe again and say some prayers.
Mama start drafting well thought out, evidence based, e-mail to not only the teacher but also the IEP coordinator at the school. Mama ask Papa to read it. Mama re-read it. Mama send it.
Mama talk to not-so-little boy about why it is her job to protect him and make sure he is getting help when he needs it, and how it is his teacher's job to provide help. Mom also explain to big boy that the more help he gets with certain skills now, the less accommodations will be needed in his IEP in the future, because ultimately success and independence are the goals. Big boy concede that it is ok for Mom to help.
Mom take a breath... mom say another prayer.
Melt-down averted. Evidence of growth (for both me son). Praise and thanksgiving. We will survive middle school!
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